Dreaming without sleep...

ReborrrnnnnN

madkaw — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 15:14:45 +0000

Wow its been a month since my last update. A lot of things has happened. A lot of them not good but I need to start all over again and get my self back in tiptop shape. A lot of things can happen in a months time It’s sad that a lot of them really got to me. It prevented me from doing my daily duties and I really really neglected them and especially myself. I mean if u really look at me it looks like absolutely exhausted not to mention ive been really neglecting my health all this stress is getting to me that my mom has been making a lot of comments lately how my face is really bad and they’ve noticed that recently Ive been experiencing hairfall. I haven’t got much sleep because of everything ive been making a conscious effort to dig myself out of this ditch and climb back up to how I am supposed to be. So I guess I really better get started again J A really big thanks to you all for supporting me. Thanks to you all I would have burned out like a candle if it weren’t for you guys.

For the Long Term

Smoking Prevention( today it has been a 2 sticks)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(I haven’t been able to exercise properly because of work and when I get home im absolutely exhausted)
Be more responsible!(I have been really been irresponsible in a lot of senses but I have to make up for them now especially work)
Be more self reliant or independent( I have been trying to be independent for these past weeks a lot of things like the basic needs I still am dependent on my family waking up by myself is a very big factor and I really need to step up on this)
1. Waking up by myself.
2. Get the car fixed
Learn to Meditate (I haven’t meditated lately but ill give it a shot before I go to sleep)
Never be late again(late late late in a span of a week ive been late 4 times shit)
Learn to control my facial reactions more(No practice here too)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(here I have found a solution to this and that solution is enroll in dancing class with my friends which they are opting to take like ballroom dancing)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(I have failed in the particular regard lately but Ive got to make up for this)
Always be more positive(its been so hard to be positive lately but I have to start all over so I MUST be more positive)

For Work

Study ODI(This has been put on hold since I have been helping out in the BP lately)
Finish all data structure works
Come to work early!(Must get the willpower when I wake up I must stand up and take my bath so I will not be tempted to go to sleep again)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program(I have to email faroque and ask in other countries about the program)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(nothing today)
Sleep Early(Its 11 I must be off after this)
Post here everyday (present after a very long time)
Register DTI (follow up again on Tuesday if still not approved)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (I must be able to start on it somewhere)
1. Vendo machine research
Buy Sauna Suit(Nothing yet here)
Learn buy and sell(looking for a new product to buy and sell)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(There hasn’t been a lead today ive tried looking today but as it turns out there isn’t such a app so far but I have to look into it I have possessed this number for awhile but I haven’t made much use of it)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Last session for the derma I have to set the appointment this Saturday probably if thers nothing gonna go down this week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Havent updated my messala but I guess not now as jhay has suggested)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class(there is a class here in san juan for 10 sessions for 4700 Its worth looking into)
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold
Learn something new about the stock market today(Need 25 k on this will put it on hold but I cant put it on hold forever as stock prices are down for the moment and it is the best time to buy

Weird Week coming

madkaw — Sun, 30 May 2010 16:47:49 +0000

Look at this past week it has been one trial after another there hasnt been a single break for me. I guess im just so tired of waiting for those breaks to come. Week after week i promise that i would be able to wake up the next day and give direction to myself to bring myself to accomplish all those tasks and ive been kidding myself. That everyday its ok as long as repost. I decided to stop doign to myself this weekend. And just spend time with myself. But i guess the weekend is over na. And i really have to start because there is only one person that i am disappointing and that person is me. So after going to Guam this week i must really jumpstart myself to be back on track again. I can do this and i must start living again

Frustration and fatigue strikes!

madkaw — Wed, 26 May 2010 17:27:52 +0000

I am not up to full a hundred capacities on this list as I have been neglecting a lot of my duties and responsibilities. I wouldn’t be able to say this day was better than any other day. But I guess it is better than someday. I feel like today im continuging to make a decision that I am going to regret but is it really for the best? I really wonder.. Maybe at some point I might regret it. But I hope I don’t… Missing so badly…I even spent a bit of time in the park reminiscing of the times past…

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(Had around 5 sticks today)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(I jogged but I wasn’t able to do crunches or the jumprope due to the visitors at the house)
Be more responsible!(Still irresponsible but I must make a bullet point on what I should be responsible about)
Be more self reliant or independent(I should make bullet points on what to do about the kiosk thing)
Learn to Meditate (Tried practicing a bit while at the park)
Never be late again(half day kainis)
Learn to control my facial reactions more(no practice in this again)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(tried to do it in jogging and ive been concentrating in every conscious effort.)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(success but I don’t want to talk about it.)
Always be more positive(Positively is the key)

For Work

Study ODI(Learned how to use an agent in ODI but I still don’t get what the purpose of an agent is)
Come to work early!(Half day)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Jogged for an hour)
Sleep Early(Its 1:28 crap)
Post here everyday (Present!)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (I must be able to start on it somewhere)
1. Vendo machine research
2. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(I will call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing but I must call later)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
  4. New destination Cubao bus stations!
Buy Sauna Suit(I jogged today)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(Got it and im reading through it)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Must set an appointment for the next next week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Still haven’t update Messala)
Finish read all the entrepreneur magazine( Going through it as I am typing)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class(there is a class here in san juan for 10 sessions for 4700 Its worth looking into)
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold
Learn something new about the stock market today(Need 25 k on this will put it on hold but I cant put it on hold forever as stock prices are down for the moment and it is the best time to buy

Is it worth the price?

madkaw — Tue, 25 May 2010 15:33:23 +0000

I have been so down in the slumps for a very long time doing one of the tasks im really suffering. I mean im really doing well in that department but is it worth the price im paying?

I’m guessing there are a lot of things that’s been happening lately. Im guessing im starting to move on from most of my problems and growing up. Thanks to big kick in the ass by a friend.

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(Had around 2 sticks today)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(There has been no exercise today but ill get right on that tomorrow)
Be more responsible!(I have been totally irresponsible lately I should start changing that again)
Be more self reliant or independent(I should make bullet points on what to do about the kiosk thing)
Learn to Meditate (Will practice before going to sleep)
Never be late again(Don’t ask)
Learn to control my facial reactions more(I didn’t go to work today..
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(im trying to change this in everything that I do)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(Success but is the price of success worth it?)
Always be more positive(Must be so positive again when I wake up)

For Work

Study ODI(Nothing today)
Come to work early!(Hay.. don’t ask)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Not today)
Sleep Early(Must sleep before 12)
Post here everyday (its 1130)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (I must be able to start on it somewhere)
1. Vendo machine research
2. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(I will call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing but I must call later)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit(Must check this later if I go to box)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Must set an appointment for the next next week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Still haven’t update Messala)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class(there is a class here in san juan for 10 sessions for 4700 Its worth looking into)
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold l

Nothing today..

madkaw — Tue, 25 May 2010 05:58:41 +0000

Im not gonna post anything from monday it was sort of a blur and i want to reflect everything on that happened recently. Its really been a mess and i need to take a step back and start fixing myself again. And a friend mentioned to me that i should start loving myself again. Guess im gonna go on and do that for myself. Thanks for everythign everyone

Sunday sleepiness

madkaw — Mon, 24 May 2010 02:32:04 +0000

I wasn’t able to post last night because I fell asleep. I haven’t slept like that in a very long while. And I got in work very early. It felt good in a way. So I hope and pray I have a good day today anyway ill be posting it later anyway. Ciao! Now for the list

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(Had around 2 sticks yesterday)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(No exercise again but the heat was a major killer)
Regulate my time for games(I played a lot to pass the time as I had nothing to do.. well lets just call it procrastinating on my part)
Be more responsible!(Nothing on this part)
Be more self reliant or independent(I should make bullet points on what to do about the kiosk thing)
Learn to Meditate (No practice today)
Never be late again(Sunday Sunday!)
Learn to control my facial reactions more(nothing today!)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(Was just angry for being late to church.. dammit)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(Success again I guess)
Always be more positive(Positivity was the word yesterday!)

For Work

Study ODI(it’s a weekend)
Come to work early!(Weekend!)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Life of a pig :-l )
Sleep Early(6 pm is such a doozy )
Post here everyday (Sleepiness)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (I must be able to start on it somewhere)
1. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(I will call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing but I must call later)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit(Must check this later if I go to box)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Must set an appointment for the next next week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Updated it the other day J)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold l

Controlllll

madkaw — Sat, 22 May 2010 18:21:35 +0000

I almost got too lazy to post this record. I had a good day because well it was a day of self control and goals. I am ot going to talk about what happened much today so Im just gonna go on straight to the list.

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(Bought a new pack today)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(no exercise today its no excuse but the heat sucks)
Regulate my time for games(I played a lot today it was a trial of control over something else hehehe)
Be more responsible!(No studies today)
Be more self reliant or independent(I was able to go to the meeting today yey! I really want to make stall)
Learn to Meditate (No practice today)
Never be late again(It’s a Saturday!!)
Learn to control my facial reactions more(nothing today!)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(Not test in this regard..)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(I will say it was an absolute success! )
Always be more positive(I am very positive today)

For Work

Study ODI(it’s a weekend)
Come to work early!(Weekend!)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Nothing today :-l and I ate a damn lot)
Sleep Early(Oh look its 230 dammit)
Post here everyday (Almost didn’t post due to laziness)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (We met today and it was actually a good meeting and I need to accumulate 50k)
1. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(Must call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing on this will call on Saturday or check in Sunday after church)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit(Still haven’t checked this)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Must set an appointment for the next next week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Updated it the other day J)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold l

Must start taking this seriously

madkaw — Sat, 22 May 2010 07:43:40 +0000

Yesterday was fun! I haven’t had fun like that in a long time well except for the other times where I went out with my HS friends. I had a blast thanks ex-DKS team. Well each and everyday I guess is a test of endurance. Like today I cant exactly pretend I have been following everything that’s written here. I feel like im losing motivation. But I better start taking it seriously again. I’m feeling like im doing this for the sake of doing this blog nowadays to pretend that I still have the passon and motivation for it. But honestly im losing morale everyday but I do have to stop giving myself excuses or so and go for the win! But at a side note.(emo mode) I miss her… so damn much… haay….

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(Had a lot but starting this Monday I am taking it seriously na)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(Went out so no exercise)
Regulate my time for games(Did a lot of playing last night when I got home)
Be more responsible!(I studied a bit)
Be more self reliant or independent(Didn’t have a car so I commuted I can do it but I guess im just to lazy)
Learn to Meditate (More practice is needed)
Never be late again(Was late but I made up for it)
Learn to control my facial reactions more( Not much communication except ym and during drinking hours)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(Still working on it I guess.)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(I just let go for one moment)
Always be more positive(Be positive be positive!)

For Work

Study ODI( Studied a bit yesterday and I talked to a few of my bosses on what I should do)
Come to work early!(Late again I better work on my will power every morning)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Went drinking last night)
Sleep Early(Uhrr don’t ask)
Post here everyday (I promise I will post again when the day is over)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (Met with abi and mj and I guess I have to commit 50 k to the cause)
1. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(Must call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing on this will call on Saturday or check in Sunday after church)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit(Still haven’t checked this)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(Must set an appointment for the next next week)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( Updated it the other day J)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold list)

Sick

madkaw — Fri, 21 May 2010 03:21:52 +0000

It was a pretty much a boring day since I was home the whole day sick. I bummed aout at home. I tried to do some work but it was pretty distressing to know that and feel thati don’t have unlimited funds to do everything I want I studied money market and the initial investment required around 200k and I don’t exactly have that much cash on me. So basically I really have to save up for those sorts of things. It was sort of irritating this morning when I came out of my room I saw my credit card statement opened by my mother it was annoying that my mom opened it and worse looked in it. It was suppose to be private.

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(2! Just because I stayed home the whole day)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(Tried to eat so little but unsuccessful)
Regulate my time for games(Well I was home so I played what else what I suppose to do I did work before playing though)
Be more responsible!(Didn’t study guess I have no excuse I got lazy)
Be more self reliant or independent(Got a meeting this Saturday regarding business)
Learn to Meditate (well practice makes perfect I guess)
Never be late again(Sick nga ehhhhh)
Learn to control my facial reactions more( Didn’t exactly thrive on communication yesterday)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(Trying to do everything in moderation)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(Yey! Im getting better at this but im scared of the price of doing this)
Always be more positive(Yahooooo!!!!)

For Work

Study ODI( Oracle by example. No progress so far)
Come to work early!(same shit I guess)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Thursday is errand day and besides I was sick at home)
Sleep Early(Slept right around 1 am)
Post here everyday (I shouldn’t make it a morning but well ill try to post again later)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (Have a meeting at Saturday 1pm at greenhills after my derma sched)
1. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(Must call later)
  2. St. Francis Square(Still nothing on this will call on Saturday or check in Sunday after church)
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit(Still haven’t checked this)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(have an appointment this saturday)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( This will be a monthly thing but I have updated my BDO passbook)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar
Find out more about money market(Researched but dammit an intial investment costs around 200k so its not for me yet so this is going to the on hold list)

Disappointment was inevitable

madkaw — Thu, 20 May 2010 03:14:53 +0000

After a long time, ive never thought that I would be disappointed. I guess I’m disappointed with a certain thing that I never thought would be disappointed in. But I was a certain friend told me “Alam mo Ijon nadisillusion ka lng” which in a way she is right… But no matter what I say there is nothing in hell I can do about it. I just have to sit and watch helplessly while some events unfold. I know I am being vague, but I never just want to give clear details on things because it’s between me and whatever that thing is.

For the Long Term

Stop Smoking(had numerous cigs but I should get started on this really)
Lose Weight and get to 160-170 lbs(I jogged and much as possible ive been trying to avoid carbs)
Regulate my time for games(Oh was really tired. The only time I got to play was when I was waiting for my food to go down)
Be more responsible!(Trying hard to be by studying ODI)
Be more self reliant or independent(Got a meeting this Saturday)
Learn to Meditate (Tried a bit yesterday I just couldn’t focus it was hard to ignore everything else)
Never be late again(Sortaa…..)
Learn to control my facial reactions more( No test on it)
Be more gentle I have the tendency to be very clumsy and sloppy(I was trying yesterday with the jogging and during boxing not to do everything in bursts.)
Control myself to prevent myself from being *****(This I would say is a total success as a friend of mine approved of the choices I made yesterday)
Always be more positive(Going even further with ODI yahoo!)

For Work

Study ODI( Oracle by example! Learned how to import and export into flatfiles now!)
Come to work early!(late by an hour)
Find Ahya a programmer for the PHP program( still nothing on this need to exert more effort)

Tasks for the Week

Exercise(Jogged, crunches and jump roped)
Sleep Early(Slept right around 1 am)
Post here everyday (Posted here today due to my fatigue last night)
Try to find a suitable business Idea to invest in (Have a meeting at Saturday 1pm at greenhills after my derma sched)
1. Get information from two places around here information on putting a stall in there specific areas
  1. Starmall(have number will call its in my email)
  2. St. Francis Square
  3. Virramall(I asked the manager on the food court and the costs was around 20 k monthly pay months has to be three months advanced and concept has to be unique)
Buy Sauna Suit( Will check it later)
Find out more about money market(Will research later)
Learn something new about the stock market today(Friend just told me to just go for it citiseconline)
Learn buy and sell(Found a supplier just need to get in contact)
Have to find an easier way to send a mass message from my treo 650 or discard the phone itself and find a new one(Not trying anything on this)
Get mom’s issues of entrepreneur and get possible suppliers there(haven’t got it yet but must try later)
Go to a derma and have a cleaning!(have an appointment this saturday)
Get my messala and BDO passbook updated( This will be a monthly thing but I have updated my BDO passbook)

Tasks on Hold(these tasks are necessarily on hold as they aren’t fit to be done yet)

Find Yoga Class
Get sports earphone
Find Condo
Canvass for guitar